Mark Twain was a man who knew how to advertise. Would that I had access to a TARDIS, I think this lecture would be my first stop.
MAGUIRE'S ACADEMY OF MUSIC
The Sandwich Islands:
The trouble to begin at 8 o'clock...
MARK TWAIN
(Honolulu Correspondent of the Sacremento Union)
Will deliver a lecture on
THE SANDWICH ISLANDS
AT THE ACADEMY OF MUSIC ON TUESDAY EVENING, OCTOBER 2
In which passing mention will be made of Harris, Bishop Staley, the American missionaries, etc., and the absurd customs and characteristics of the natives duly discussed and described. The great volcano of Kilauea will also receive proper attention.
A SPLENDID ORCHESTRA is in town, but has not been engaged.
Also
A DEN OF FEROCIOUS WILD BEASTS will be on exhibition in the next block.
MAGNIFICENT FIREWORKS were in contemplation for this occasion, but the idea has been abandoned.
A GRAND TORCHLIGHT PROCESSION may be expected; in fact, the public are privileged to expect whatever they please.
Dress Circle, $1.00 | Family Circle, 50c.
Doors open at 7 o'clock. The Trouble to begin at 8 o'clock.
"They discovered fire."
Rowan Atkinson as Doctor Who, Richard Grant Jonathan Pryce as the master. It doesn't get much better than that. One-liners abound.
Also, a pretty good parody of the kind of loop-the-loop writing that Steven Moffat has been doing lately.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Do-wDPoC6GM]